


Shipspotting

by yomikoma



Category: The Culture - Iain M. Banks
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-29
Updated: 2015-12-29
Packaged: 2018-05-10 02:37:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5566045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yomikoma/pseuds/yomikoma
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On the precipice of battle, yet another strange Culture hobby rears its inconvenient head.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shipspotting

**Author's Note:**

> In case you haven’t read The Hydrogen Sonata, the ship type Ue for “Unknown, eccentric” is introduced there.

x GOU  _ It Would Be A Shame If Anything Were To Happen To It _  
   o All ships in range of Pargeon territories  
**As you may have heard, hostilities are imminent on and around Deslan, in the Pargeon territories. We'll need any warships in range to show up.**

x ROU  _ Because Reasons _  
**En route.**

x LCU  _ Not On Impact _  
**I'm on the way.**

x LOU  _ The Probable Outcome Is Failure _  
**So am I.**

x Ue  _ Curiosity Core _  
**Wouldn't miss it! I'll be there soon.**

x GOU  _ It Would Be A Shame If Anything Were To Happen To It _  
**_Curiosity_ , I specified warships. Last I heard, you were entirely demilitarized.**

x Ue  _ Curiosity Core _  
**Yes, but there will be plenty of firepower in the area. I'll be fine.**

x GOU  _ It Would Be A Shame If Anything Were To Happen To It _  
**You'll be in the way! There will be enough to do without also needing to protect a defenseless ship and its thousands of passengers!**

x Ue  _ Curiosity Core _  
**I’ll hang out behind the rest of you, my passengers and I just want to keep an eye on the participating ships.**

x GOU  _ It Would Be A Shame If Anything Were To Happen To It _  
**Standing behind the targets at a shooting range is not a safe location, _Curiosity_!**

**∞**

x LOU  _ The Probable Outcome Is Failure _  
   o LCU  _ Not On Impact _  
**Hey, why does _Curiosity Core_ want to fling itself into a war zone anyway?**

x LCU  _ Not On Impact _  
**It's full of shipspotters.**

x LOU  _ The Probable Outcome Is Failure _  
**Full of what?**

x LCU  _ Not On Impact _  
**Humans and drones that make a hobby of trying to see, with their own eyes or sensors, as many ships as they can. They've got little books listing ships and they put checkmarks next to our names. I’m pretty sure _Curiosity_ itself is keeping its own list, too.**

x LOU  _ The Probable Outcome Is Failure _  
**Oh, so if there's a major conflict and hundreds of warships are showing up from all over, they won't want to miss the opportunity.  Given the strength of the opposition, this may actually be the last chance to see some of us.**

x LCU  _ Not On Impact _  
**Yeah, so it wants to come to the battlefield despite the danger and inconvenience. _Curiosity_ was demilitarized when it went Eccentric and only has the shields necessary to be safe from space debris.**

x LOU  _ The Probable Outcome Is Failure _  
**You know, I might have a solution, since _It Would Be A Shame_ doesn't seem to be making much progress in the main channel.**

x LCU  _ Not On Impact _  
**Go for it! _It Would Be A Shame_ should be coordinating this war effort, not arguing with a tourist.**

**∞**

x GOU  _ It Would Be A Shame If Anything Were To Happen To It _  
    o Pargeon-area ships  
**...so an enemy ship could use you as a shield, or...**

x LOU  _ The Probable Outcome Is Failure _  
**Ahem. _Curiosity_ , have any of your passengers spotted VFP _I Was Never Here_ yet?**

x Ue  _ Curiosity Core _  
**Are you joking? _I Was Never Here_? The ship that doesn't slow down enough to be seen when delivering messages, and that otherwise hides somewhere in interstellar space? The unspottable? Of course not!**

x LOU  _ The Probable Outcome Is Failure _  
**I served with it in the Olivian action, before it was demilitarized. I have heard that it actually needs some repairs and is planning to spend about 10 hours at Viele orbital starting in 3 days.**

x Ue  _ Curiosity Core _  
**It will take me 3 days to get to Viele. You're not just pulling my effector field here?**

x LOU  _ The Probable Outcome Is Failure _  
**Can you afford to doubt me?**

x Ue  _ Curiosity Core _  
**A chance to spot _Never Here_ … I really can't. I'll see you all another time.  Try to survive!  Bye!**

**∞**

x GOU  _ It Would Be A Shame If Anything Were To Happen To It _  
   o LOU  _ The Probable Outcome Is Failure _   
**That was magnificent, _Probable Outcome_. Did you make it up, or will _Never Here_ actually show?**

x LOU  _ The Probable Outcome Is Failure _  
**Oh, it'll be there. I knew it needed some supplies and it owes me a favor so I dropped it a line - it's actually farther from Viele than we are now but it'll enjoy racing _Curiosity_.**

x GOU  _ It Would Be A Shame If Anything Were To Happen To It _  
**Well, now I owe you a favor instead. If we don’t die here.**

x LOU  _ The Probable Outcome Is Failure _  
**Good luck to us both then.**

**Author's Note:**

> The hobby of shipspotting was inspired by a conversation with @jmacdotorg. It Would Be A Shame If Anything Were To Happen To It and Because Reasons are from the @cultureshipnames twitter account, and The Probable Outcome Is Failure and Not On Impact are from Elon Musk quotes. Thanks to cnoocy and okrablossom for their helpful comments.


End file.
